Episode 17: Win Tin Tin Seizes Sole Control Of The Known Universe.
Mother Derivative wasn't the only member of the ex-Mathia having disturbing flashbacks to a past of unmitigated, pure, power. One of the current rulers of the world had never forgotten it.
Being a dog, although a rather vicious one, Win Tin Tin's memories involved more bones and chasing after particularly juicy fat rabbits than late nights on a Maths binge, and up early in the morning to send the strong arm men around to some sucker to collect some exorbitant amount of money. Taking someone's every cent really helps a hangover. But I digress.
Win Tin Tin, having not been subjected to the MindMaker, had memories of these happy days that didn't need to slowly worm their way up to the surface via dreams. Oh no. These were fully fledged memories in Technicolour. They were as real as, well, numbers, before you encounter the imaginary ones.
Win Tin Tin had even retained the violent, thoughtless and selfish nature now so lacking in Mother Derivative and Sister Gradient. (Recall her being the only character in the entire Adventure series to ever taste Discriminant Boy's flesh, in Episode 5, which is violent, selfish and thoughtless, not to mention un-hygienic.) She had, of course, managed to escape the downfall of the Mathia, by making a fortuitous exit with Wet Willie, and had served the Wet Willie Glee Club well as their Hound of Hell in the following period. She was now serving The Vampire well as co-ruler of the world. She was sick of serving evil powers. It was time to return to her true role of being an evil power.
The Vampire was now suffering the lassitude that is the ultimate fate of all tyrants who have a grain in their soul which is not wholly and solely defined by the act of being a tyrant. In her case, this grain of being was not concerned with questions of an existential nature; do I exist, why do I exist, why do I exist here, what is here, why bother conferring existence on such a pathetic notion as the Negative Dimension? No indeed. The core of The Vampire's being was entirely concerned with blood, of any variety.
Thus, the balance of tyrannical opinion would certainly come to the conclusion that The Vampire was quite unworthy of the honour of ruling the world. It certainly wouldn't have happened in any respectable dimension.
Win Tin Tin, without consulting The Official Interdimensional Tyrannical Standards Committee, had reached this conclusion as well, and began to prepare for a showdown (yes another one).
She brought to mind all her fearsome Mathia training. The innocent look, the friendly lick, the pitiful whine were practiced ad nauseam, as were, of course, the subsequent low, menacing growl, the frothing mouth, the yellow, glowing eyes and the sudden ripping of limb from limb.
The time had come, for a considerable rearrangement of some serious power structures. Win Tin Tin yelped with excited pleasure and attacked.
The fight was considerably less one sided than most Negative Dimension battles. The equality of the opponents harked back to Discriminant Boy's early days, when The Good Ones and The Wet Willie Glee Club were matched in incompetence. Win Tin Tin's canine hunger for power, fueled by pure, liquid, Mathia evil was pitted against The Vampire's bloodthirsty hunger for power, which was making up in strength for the lack of utter evil.
The battle of Power Lust against Blood Lust continued for at least three hours, overthrowing the previous record for a Negative Dimension battle by two and a half. But, as you gathered from the title of this episode, Win Tin Tin was the victor. What you may not have gathered from the title (and if you did, I'd love to know how you got such fantastic insights into my character, because I had no idea this was going to happen when I wrote that title) is that Win Tin Tin became only the second sole ruler of the Negative Dimension by a feat never before seen in the history of Mathematics.
The circumstances preceded this feat need only this explanation: these characters (and I'm not just referring to our combatants) are peculiarly obtuse, boring and thunderingly stupid. The two we are at present concerned with were also unfit, due in part to some of the culinary luxuries of ruling the world.
They decided to settle the death struggle via Mathematics, rather than anything physically taxing like, say, chess. The idea is telling someone the answer to a question and having them guess the question, rather like Jeopardy.
The Vampire, profoundly: 'Two.'
Win Tin Tin, correctly, word for word, in the only flash of pure inspiration and sheer intuitive genius ever to occur in this Saga: 'What is the area of the isosceles triangle of base length two units, and side length root five units?' [Translated from 'Woof, grrrrrrr, yip, yip, yip, woof, grrrr, yip, yip, woof.']
The Vampire: 'D'oh.'
And with that Win Tin Tin grabbed her collar and pulled her from Borenore to Molong, dumping her outside the Treehouse of Horrors, returning home before dinner to enjoy sole control of the known universe.