Episode 5: Discriminant Boy Goes on an Epic Journey.

Discriminant Boy, Super-Zero that he was, began to grow tired of the gutter outside Pizza Hut. After all, even Wet Willie's Glee Club had a Treehouse of Horrors. So he shared his dream with Spike Boy, who was lazily trying to carve his name in the gutter with his teeth. 'Hey, do you think a Super-Zero needs a roof over his head as well as a really pathetic name and things like that?'

'Yes, but how do you plan to get one? You don't have any money, and your powers have been waning ever since you finished that Year 8 How to Use Your Calculator' assignment last week.'

'Never fear, I shall undertake an epic journey, passing through ice, hail, snow, acid rain and nuclear fallout! I shall go... to McDonald's!' [In Orange, also known as thrill capital of the universe, McDonald's is just down the road from Pizza Hut.]

Spike Boy gasped. 'No, please, Discriminant Boy, old buddy, old pal! Don't go, I beg of you!'

'I must. My quest as a true Super-Zero calls. No friendship can restrain me.'

Spike Boy sighed and said 'If you must. Oh yeah, and can you get a Big Mac Value Meal with Large Fries and Large Coke while you're there? And a chocolate sundae, pretty please?' With those words, Spike Boy said farewell to his dear companion for a whole twenty minutes.

Discriminant Boy powered up The GrumbleBum and they were away. Slowly. Very slowly. After a good seven minutes [to drive half a kilometre] they arrived in the car park of McDonald's. 'Drive thru or take away?' Discriminant Boy asked The GrumbleBum. Receiving no answer he went for take away.

Discriminant Boy strode inside like the nauseatingly self confident Super-Zero he was. After ordering a McChicken Burger without mayonnaise and that damned Value meal, he proceeded back to The GrumbleBum. It was at that moment he realised that behind him was lurking... Win Tin Tin, hound of hell, beast of the Wet Willie Glee Club.

'Yip, yip, yip!'

'Good doggie! Good girl!'

Win Tin Tin promptly took a chunk out of Discriminant Boy's leg, chewed thoughtfully, and spat it out. After choking for a minute or so it commenced yipping, and continued doing so until Discriminant Boy was far more fruit loopy than he started out. Unfortunately, due to his recently malformed leg, he couldn't actually move away.

At that moment, a shadow fell across the car park. Discriminant Boy filled with fear. Curse that Maths assignment! He did not have the power to fight off such an enormous enemy. Shaking, he looked up. A 70s chick! Seventy foot tall and platforms to match!

Win Tin Tin began jumping up on the side of the shoes. 'Get down!' snapped the monstrosity. 'Hello Discriminant Boy. I've heard about you before. None of it was good, but never mind.'

The 70-ft Woman, who could shrink at will, commenced shrinking, until she reached a height which was freakishly tall, but nevertheless, nearer to Discriminant Boy's height. She looked at his leg. 'That leg looks bad.'

'Well, duh!'

'That leg looks very bad. And your mode of transport is shockingly out of repair. And McChicken burgers with no mayonnaise have a bad reputation. And you look like you haven't bathed in weeks. Good thing I'm standing twenty feet away, because I suspect you smell like you haven't bathed in months.'

'Do you have anything good to say?'

'If I did, I'd keep my mouth shut. But I'll be nice to you, just this once. For a fee. Here's some of my maths assignments. They're not due 'til tomorrow, so they're very unfinished indeed.' [The 70-ft woman, who would like to make it clear she is actually six foot two, and the primary author, is proud never to start a Maths assignment until the night before it is due.]

Handing him several question sheets, the 70-ft Woman grew to her accustomed size and stalked off. Having power once again Discriminant Boy repaired his leg, got in The GrumbleBum and returned, slowly, to Pizza Hut, where Spike Boy had carved 'Spike Boy was 'ere. '96', original character that he was, and had completely worn away his teeth.