Episode 6: The Final Showdown.

Even as Discriminant Boy returned to his gutter outside Pizza Hut, having completely forgotten to find a new abode, The Wet Willie Glee Club planned a final stroke of fiendish evil. They weren't sure what, but it was going to be very evil.

They debated and plotted, and schemed, and thought, they searched and searched for the scheme that they sought.

Unfortunately, they couldn't come up with anything new and freshly wicked, so they just decided to attack Discriminant Boy in his gutter. They gathered together all the calculators they could find, graphical and otherwise and prepared the Great March of The Wicked People. That march would have gone down in history, had there been anything particularly interesting about it, but there wasn't, so they caught the bus instead.

And so, at last, there came to the gutter The Complex Father, Wet Willie, The Vampire, The Girl From Molong and Win Tin Tin. As they arrived Discriminant Boy was having a party. No one was partying, actually, but when there's only one other person there, and he lives in the next gutter, you can't expect much.

'Hello,' cried our zero, 'Come to join the party?'

'No, actually we came to utterly destroy you, but can I have a piece of fairy bread anyway?' asked Wet Willie.

And so it came to pass that they all had a beautiful party. The sausage rolls were magnificent, The Complex Father won Pin the Tail on The Donkey' five times running and the train-shaped packet cake was wonderful. Just as Discriminant Boy was handing out the lollybags, The Glee Club remembered that they had come to vanquish him. They took the lolly bags and pulled out their calculators.

Discriminant Boy resisted with all the power that six new incomplete maths assignments had given him and managed to cry out 'Mummy, help me!' As the queen of Dotland had been pleased to be rid of him, no help came from that quarter. However, the 70-ft Woman and Hyperbolia had been out for a walk, and were just passing by. Hyperbolia pulled out several spare assignments to (once again) save Discriminant Boy, and the 70-ft Woman shrunk to ant size in hopes of crawling into a nearby bush and convincing Spike Boy to emerge.

Even with the extra assignments, Discriminant Boy was being soundly walloped when up drove Sensai Garden Gnome in The GrumbleBum.

'Hey,'cried Discriminant Boy, taking a temporary break from screaming, 'who said you could borrow that?'

'Well... no one. But the rubber band in my car broke again, and you weren't using it. Um... Do you want some help?'

'Is b squared minus four a c less than zero? Of course I do, you idiot.'

Sensai Garden Gnome in all his wisdom decided to ignore that insult, and lent all his powers to Discriminant Boy. That didn't help all that much, and our zero and all his little friends would have been overcome had not two sweet nuns come wandering along.

'For shame, children! You should know better than to fight,' said Mother Derivative reproachfully. She added to Discriminant Boy, 'Look at you, you're filthy! You must break your poor mother's heart!'

'But...' mumbled Hyperbolia, 'we were trying to save the universe.'

'I don't care what you were doing,' yelled Sister Gradient, 'you ought to all be ashamed of yourselves. Look at this nice young lady! Pretty and sweet. Her mother must be a proud woman. You children have no idea what you put your parents through.' The Vampire smiled, baring her fangs. ' And look at her pretty teeth!'

But, unbeknownst to the nuns, while they were talking, the 70-ft Woman had grown back to her accustomed size, and had just torn the roof off Pizza Hut, looking to see if there were Smarties in the Dessert Bar. Discovering there were none, she threw the roof over in the direction of the Glee Club. It missed, but as it sailed over their heads, a large collection of ancient and sacred unfinished assignments fell out into Discriminant Boy's hands.

With this power, he finally overcame the (still functioning) calculators, and transported the Glee Club back to their Treehouse. He also confiscated all their calculators and gave them to Sensai Garden Gnome, who was immensely pleased, especially as there were no instruction books. He felt like a True Man [our teacher has some sort of hangup about not reading calculator manuals]. Unfortunately he was still a Garden Gnome, but never mind.

Hyperbolia handed the 70-ft Woman an enormous Tim Tam, which made her very happy. Spike Boy discovered that there was still fairy bread left, Hyperbolia had something to talk about at parties for the rest of the week, and Discriminant Boy had Hyperbolia to look at, so they were all over the moon.

However, due to the unfortunate fact that they had taken up six episodes and a space on The Information Superhighway, to accomplish just about nothing, there really wasn't anything much to be happy about, but the story ends here anyway.

For now.