Episode 7: Spike Boy's Traitorous Defection.

Spike Boy awoke one day, yawned, and carved another mark onto the gutter with his teeth. He had been here for eight months and twelve days. He was about to get up and faithfully go and lick Discriminant Boy's boots clean when suddenly he realised that he was sick of pandering to the every whim of our zero.

In fact, at this point Spike Boy was a rather sad case. His appearance hadn't been improved when he wore away his teeth, and had only gotten worse when the absence of rain took away his weekly wash in the gutter. Hyperbolia had left in search of someone to participate in a love triangle, and ever since then Discriminant Boy had pined away in the gutter.

At this moment Discriminant Boy was, in fact, asleep, using his Mathematical Waste as a pillow. This always tended to mean he used his powers in his sleep. Spike Boy immediately moved out of range, just as our zero cried out in his sleep 'God, I love citrus fruit!' and was fortunately several metres by the time a lemon tree began growing where he had been sleeping two minutes previously.

By this point Spike Boy had lost his fragile grip on sanity. 'I hate you!' he shrieked as Discriminant Boy began to drool on the footpath. 'You treat me like dirt! Last week you turned me into a sheep and tried to convince Sensai Garden Gnome to roast me with parsnip. Then when I kicked him you turned me into Budgie the Helicopter and made me sing the Aeroplane Jelly theme song backwards in Gaelic to the school assembly! You don't appreciate anything I do for you. I work for peanuts, and I don't even have associate membership of the Society of Zero Professionals.'

Spike Boy sat down and wailed at the setting moon. He began to blubber in earnest. After some time he woke up to how pathetic he was being, and left.

Four hours later he passed KFC, due to the fact that every five steps he turned around and started running back to his beloved boss, only to restrain himself at the last minute. As he walked along, his spirits finally started picking up. He began to skip, and a couple of minutes later, to sing 'Little Jack Horner.'

After several minutes of this off-key performance, he realised he had nowhere to go. He blubbered for several minutes, only to realise that there were several people across the road staring at him, and laughing. A lot. He looked closer. It was The Complex Father and Wet Willie. Wet Willie didn't look any worse than usual, but The Complex Father was dressed up as a hot dog.

Trying to restrain their laughter, they crossed the road and threatened to pummel Spike Boy to death with the bun that The Complex Father was wearing. Spike Boy cowered in terror. Oh, how he wanted Discriminant Boy at this moment. He felt the first pain from the bun.

'No,' he screamed. 'I haven't done anything. It wasn't me, it was Discriminant Boy. He stole your pen and he was the one with overdue library books. Oh, yeah, and also he's going to oust you from your rule over Molong tomorrow. But I've left him. I'll be good, I swear!'

They looked at him contemptuously. 'Wipe your nose,' snarled Wet Willie. The Complex Father pointed out to her that her nose was always dripping. She took it off and put on a new one. And then they took Spike Boy away to The Treehouse of Horrors.

Three hours later, Spike Boy was lazing in front of them on the interrogation sofa. He had answered every question they had asked and had given away all of the plans of his former friends, and other embarrassing secrets which could be used to blackmail them; such as the fact that Discriminant Boy's favourite fantasy was licking the wax out of Hyperbolia's ear, that Sensai Garden Gnome was cheating on his watering can and that the 70-ft Woman enjoyed shrinking to five centimetres in height and eating food scraps out of people's bins.

After they were confident that Spike Boy had told them everything they had wanted to know and some stuff they already did (Wet Willie said she knew all about Discriminant Boy's stationary point) they made him pledge obedience to them.

'Now,' whispered the Vampire, in quiet awe. 'You are about to see something no one has seen since the last time we swore in a new member.'

The Girl From Molong opened a cupboard and brought something out. 'Behold our leader, The One Who Knows All...' She pulled a stuffed dog out of the cupboard and held it up reverently. 'Meet Mandelbrot.'

After grovelling on their stomachs for several minutes, the Wet Willie Glee Club realised that Spike Boy wasn't suitably impressed by the Most Knowledgeable Master. He was, it was true, grovelling on his stomach, that wasn't the problem. It was that he was laughing. Uproariously.

After smacking him on the head with a cloth toy several times, and reducing him to a pitiful pile on the ground, they decided to forgive him and planned their next attack on the gutter outside Pizza Hut. They were going to try what they had already tried several times in the hope that this time it might work. They were going to go charging up with their advanced weapons (a pencil and eraser) and some calculators and hope Discriminant Boy was on his own. Spike Boy was beginning to wonder why he had originally failed their IQ test.

And so that was what they did, and lo and behold, Discriminant Boy was alone, and the power of the calculators overcame him. They tied him up and had a big party while he moaned piteously in the gutter. Then they got Spike Boy to carve 'This gutter is the property of The Wet Willie Glee Club, and trespassers will be charged to the full extent of the law, and will also have to attend meetings of Gutter Inhabitors Anonymous,' into each and every gutter in a one kilometre radius, using, of course, his teeth.

Then they vanished into the distance, holding Mandelbrot on high, and left Discriminant Boy in a sewer to reflect on his loss.