Christmas Episode: Discriminant Boy and the Christmas Adventure.

It was now some days since Discriminant Boy had mathematically sent the Wet Willie Glee Club back to Molong's infamous Treehouse of Horrors. Hyperbolia had vanished somewhere saying she wanted to get a life, and it was therefore the opinion of all present that she would be gone a long, long time. However the 70-ft Woman, presently six inches high, was still crawling through the wreckage of Pizza Hut, looking for Smarties. It was also nearly Christmas.

Spike Boy was crossing off the days on his gutter. (Yes, with his teeth again.) Discriminant Boy, however was still low on power from The Final Showdown, and was incapable of getting excited about anything. Besides, he didn't have any money to buy any presents, and couldn't participate in the joy of giving. Having nothing better to do, Discriminant Boy began to whinge. A lot.

'Will you do something worthwhile already?' snapped Spike Boy.

'Like what?'

'Let's have a Christmas party!'

After many arrangements, it was decided. The party was to be held the following day. The only remaining dispute was the invitations. Discriminant Boy wanted frogs but Spike Boy wanted the 'really really cutsie wootsie ones with da ittle baby dinosaurs, they're sooo sweet!'

Eventually they compromised on Bananas in Pyjamas.

Everyone they were on speaking terms with was invited. All eleven of them. They set up the party in sewer M6 of James Sheahan Catholic Cesspool. At last after patiently waiting a whole twenty minutes, they got sick of waiting, and ate all the Smarties by themselves. 70-ft Woman was the first under the door. (She was still six inches high.) Immediately, sensing Tim Tams on the table, she began to climb.

'Can't you grow and shrink at will?' asked our zero.

'Oh yeah, oops.' The 70-ft Woman began to grow, until she was so large she could no longer stand in the room, and had to lie full length on the floor. Her mouth was now so large she could pour the entire packet of Tim Tams down her throat. It ran out.

Just as she was about to interrogate the dopey duo about the Smarties, Sister Gradient and Mother Derivative stepped through the door and promptly went over and ate all the M&Ms. They were so excited by all the food that they completely forgot to say grace. When they realised, horror filled their faces and they began to cry. The 70-ft Woman, seeing that they were upset, was about to pick them up and throw them out of the party when she was distracted by the entrance of the partners in slime, the Complex Father and Wet Willie.

'Hey, who invited you?' snarled Discriminant Boy menacingly, his remaining powers at the ready.

'You did!' replied Wet Willie. 'We didn't want to come, because we are your mortal enemies, but you had such good fairy bread last time we couldn't resist, could we darling?' She planted a very wet kiss on the Complex Father's cheek. The party goers were prevented from vomiting by the entrance of Win Tin Tin, followed by The Girl from Molong and the Vampire. The Vampire tripped over The 70-ft Woman's right leg and fell head fist into a pool of blood, which she promptly drank.

The Girl From Molong pulled out a shiny new calculator and began to convert degrees to radians. Discriminant Boy was already writhing on the floor when Mother Derivative wailed 'Stop it! Stop it! Behave yourself, you ill-mannered girl. It's Christmas time, and there should be peace on earth!'

Just as a real fight was about to begin, The GrumbleBum arrived. Through the wall. The flying bricks knocked the drinks to the floor and marshmallows hit The Complex Father square in the face. Hyperbolia hopped out of The GrumbleBum. 'You broke it!' wailed Discriminant Boy.

'How do you know?' snapped Hyperbolia.

'Easy,' said The Vampire, lifting her head. 'It's stopped going 'A ha... A ha...' and is now saying 'Ha ha ha ha ha hi ha ha hi hardy ha ha...'.'

'Actually I think its going 'hi ha hi hi hi ha ha hilly ha'.' called Sister Gradient.

'Yeah, well, its my mode of transport, and I think it's going 'Ah hah hi di hi hi di hi'.' called Discriminant Boy.

They were only prevented into going into a long drawn out argument over The GrumbleBum's unique sound by the fact that Wet Willie crashed into a large cupboard, conveniently placed in just the right spot for a crappy gag.

After a brief thumping sound, Sensai Garden Gnome came out of the closet.

'Hi, everyone. I was just doing Maths.'

Seeing as that was what Sensai Garden Gnome always said, no one believed him. 'Why would you do Maths in a closet?' they all thought. 'Oh, well, he must have been doing something entirely innocent in there, seeing as this is a G-Rated story.' And they never thought about it again, and certainly never reported the incident to Sensai Garden Gnome's superiors.

Seeing as they needed something else to talk about, The 70-ft Woman asked Hyperbolia how her search for a life was going. 'Not well,' replied Discriminant Boy's amour. 'I think that our zero might be the best I can do. It is Christmas after all.' But Discriminant Boy thought better of physical contact at the last second. Maybe they weren't ready for a relationship after all, because it was well known that if lead characters got together, ratings plummeted.

Instead the entire party had to fill in some time, because the party had only been going ten minutes, and they didn't have to go for another ten. They began to sing carols. Actually, come to think of it, 'sing' was the wrong word. 'Screech' was the one I was looking for. They screeched along happily in approximately eight keys, three of which had never been heard before in the history of music. And when the party was over, they all left for the year, contented and peaceful, at least until Spike Boy discovered The Girl From Molong had eaten the last party pie.